Sharing Gospel is my main job

I learn that humans have intangible barriers, sometimes for me it’s not easy entering their territory and sometimes they are hesitant to come to my world. Sometimes I just force myself to keep talking, and then lost in my own thought since I know that I have something else to do. My pastor says that you can’t wait someone to like you that you can share Gospel to them. We are the messenger of God, people should know us as the messenger, not the work we do at our offices or somewhere else. Sharing Gospel is not a side-job. 

Sharing Gospel is not a side-job.

This phrase changes the way I see my job as a librarian. It's not my main job. When I talk with my friends, I don’t bring my experiences. I don’t do what I want. I don’t live freely. I don’t do what I’ve planned and I don’t plan what I will do. I follow His instructions. I grief when He grieves.  I deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him. I can’t love any one more than I love Him, if so, I wouldn’t be able to follow Him to the end. I don’t have rights in this world. 

In Jesus Christ, I live a free life. Indeed. It’s another form of freedom. I’m free from the bondage of sin that makes my life useless. I’m free to say the truth. I’m free to get all the richness of heaven: peace, joy, righteousness in the presence of God. Oh, those things can’t be provided by this world.

I’m free and I’m not free.

I freely give away my freedom so that the Lord can give His version of freedom to my life. After some struggling in my life, a tug-o-war of controlling and submitting to the Lord Jesus, I end up having a conclusion that I don’t have a choice. I can be either the slave of the world or the slave of the Lord Jesus. I choose being a slave for the Lord Jesus.

I remember one time in my life when I really lived for my life. I followed my ‘creativity’, my youth life, my heart’s desires, my kind of an ideal life. I remember I always wanted to be an architect. I remember I wanted to be the one who lives an adventurous life. I wanted to be a sailor. I wanted to be a diplomat for my country. The list went on. Then it stops some time in my life. Just like that. It's like I've walked this far, I can't go back to where I used to be, but I don't have a clear vision of what I'm becoming. Not having a vision is a scary life for me.

At the age of 36, this year, the Lord makes it clear for me to ‘GO, and make all nations His disciples’. This time, I don’t have any idea to say NO. I kind of like the idea of going to nations and make disciples. I’m kind of enjoy living a ‘monotonous’ life at church. I don’t mind to wait. I don’t mind to be weird, find something the world doesn’t value. I don’t mind staying. I don’t mind going. Sharing Gospel is my main purpose. That’s all in my mind. 

I don't write this for my own benefit, for my pride. No, this kind of life is a new thing for me. I never even imagine that I would end up like this. It never crosses my mind. I have run away from the Lord so many times. I never want to live right with the Lord, because I was so bad. I didn’t consume drugs or sleep with many men, but what I did in my brain was all bad. I only know that the Lord saves the tangible sinners but not me, a hypocrite. No, He saves ALL kind of people. If He can do that to me, He can do it to you too.