When None Was There

On February 14th, 2022, I made an appointment with Pak Wi, but he couldn't make it since he was isolated due to Covid-19, he was just suspected because he drove in someone who was infected. So, I was alone, none would be on my side to help me out when I got troubled in driving my car to kost. I panicky contacted all who I thought must have someone they could count on when facing the same problem. But none could help me. I have a friend who has a son, I thought I could ask her help, but I didn't do it. All my collegues went home one by one, and the last one was the one whose office in the front desk, where I tried so hard to find help

I couldn't find anyone. It was 5 p.m.

Before going home, my friend said, "Bye, Ms., too bad that you are alone now," with a smirking face. I felt ashamed 'cos in my mind, I felt like everyone mocked at me. 

Remembering the effort I took to get the car, it wasn't there instantly. I had to ask Pak Wi to come to Jakarta, to get the car. We went there by bus, then by online taxi. It was almost dark when we arrived at my home. At first, I was about to go with him back Karawaci and parked the car in my office, but then my brother asked Pak Wi to take it by himself. Pak Wi was agreed. 

For 2 days, I didn't dare to drive the car. My friend offered herself to accompany me to drive. I agreed and when we got to the parking lot, and my friend saw I had difficulty in moving the car forward. She decided to leave. I just grinned and continued with the driving. I was successfully driving the car going around the building area. 

The next day,  I drove it with Pak Wi accompanying me. My heart pounded. When we were near the gas station, Pak Wi took control of the steer. We continued with the plan for that day. The next morning was the time when I drove alone, Pak Wi followed my car by riding his bike. 

And now, Pak Wi wasn't available, and I had to go home.

I prayed hard but then, there was none. I realized something, it was like an encouragement. It was the Holy Spirit. If God doesn't send me anyone to help, it means He will be there to help me. That thought was so strong, and my feet followed. 

I remembered praying all the way to kost. My car engine stopped twice or thrice, but there was a comfort in my heart, I wasn't panicky. I was so fully concentrated to drive that I was so stressful and felt nausea, Thank God I made it. I told everyone about this and they were happy with me. 

Yes, when God doesn't send anyone for giving a help, He wants to do it himself. 

Letting Go Off the Fear Day #1

I have no choice, I got to master driving my car. There's a constant struggle in myself, it appears in my dream at nights. But, I have no choice. I have to fight the fear. I have to let it go off, away from my life. I remind myself that it's good that at least, I try. Of course, I pray. I ask God to help me.

This morning, I asked Pak Wi to accompany me to drive to my workplace. It turned out that he rode his motorbike, therefore, he can't be in the car with me, sit beside me. I did make the car out of my tiny garage. I thought I wouldn't make it. But I did. Thank God. So there I was, alone in the car, thinking all by myself. 

First obstacle, there was grocery man on his bike, opposite of me. I waved my hand to tell him to go first. He understood, thank God. And on my right a head, there's a small river. My heard pounded, I didn't want to fall into it. So, I turned the steer wheel to the left. Thank God, there was no crowds. 

The second obstacle was the steep. It wasn't that bad, actually but I kept making the same mistakes. Thank God, I had Pak Wi on his bike to help me. 

The third obstacle, there was a car slipped through my way, made the left turn. I was shocked but since my speed was low, I managed to push the break knob. My friend, who was already in the office, said that thing happened all the time, so we need to be alert at all time.

The last obstacle was parking, and I bumped my car. At least, I made it to drive to office. Now, I feel exhausted. 

Driving a car takes great responsibility, you can hurt yourself or others, so stay away from disruptions, And she welcomes me to the club :D