Bad Things Do Happen

Bad things do happen even though you pray those things not to happen. And it makes a confusion, whether it's own fault or others' or anything else. 

I didn't expect it to happen and I feel mad at myself, at my things for not 'good enough', at the situation I was in. The only thing that crosses my mind now is a failure, it wasn't supposed to happen. I am in a tight budget but that bad thing made me spend money for unnecessary need. And I hate him. He thought only on my mistake, he didn't blow the horn, which he was supposed to do. And I am upset with my friend. She should had warned me. There were no warning for me.  

And I hate the situation. I hate my thing for it's not new. I hate the people in their own vehicle that strive to be wherever place they want to be, in a short time. Who doesn't?

And I hate myself. I did warn myself not to take that line. But I didn't listen. I acted out like a pro. And I hate that failure, it costed me a lot. I felt like being left by my Father :( This is not right, I know, but I can't help myself from having this feeling. And, I am ashamed to meet my friends, I feel like the news already spread out widely. I feel like I am living in my nightmare. How could this happen?

Will I regain something from the lost?

Pagar Itu

Sebetulnya saya sudah merasa hari ini bakal "spesial". Sudah merasa malas beranjak dari tempat tidur sedari pagi, keluar dari kos juga sudah telat. Tetapi saya bosan di kos. Padahal badan seperti lemas gak jelas gitu. Pergi aman, pulang aman. 

Sore ini hujan, tetapi tidak seperti biasanya, badai. Hujan badainya sudah berlalu sejam yang lalu. Kini yang tersisa rintik berkelanjutan. Setelah memarkir mobil dengan jarak cukup dekat dari sebelah kiri, supaya motor para indekos yang lain bisa masuk dengan mudah, saya menutup pintu dengan semangat. Demi menghindari hujan. 

Sangking semangat, saya tidak menyadari bahwa saya sudah menarik hingga ujung pagar, Saya pikir pagar itu punya stopper. Ternyata, tidak. Pagar itu keluar dari rel dan saya tidak sanggup menahannya. Pagar itu terpelanting ke arah depan. Pagar kecil yang menyertainya ikut terlepas dari engsel. Hati saya sangat kacau. Malu bercampur takut. Malu, karena lagi-lagi saya yang "bikin ulah" di kos ini. Sudah pernah menabrak, menyerempet, dan kali ini menjatuhkan. 

Saya lihat kiri, ada ibu berjilbab menatap kaget. Lalu di sebelah kanan ada bapak pekerja proyek sepertinya menatap begitu saja sambil terus bekerja. Hari itu masih hujan. Tas dan bawaan lainnya sudah ada di depan pintu kos, terbebas dari hujan. Saya pikir hari ini akan panjang. Masalahnya, kalau pagar itu terbelah maka akan merepotkan bahkan membahayakan banyak orang. 

Saya angkat itu pagar dengan semangat yang ada, paha kiri saya terkilir, sakit sekali rasanya, tetapi saya tetap berusaha mengangkat dan menempatkannya pada relnya. Seorang bapak ojek pengantar makanan, dengan jas hujannya, bertanya, "Neng, mau dibantu?" Dia turun dari motornya. Saya lihat antaran makanannya belum lagi sampai ke pemesan. 

"Aduh, paha saya!" saya tidak kuat untuk tidak berucap karena sakit sekali hingga membuat saya menahan napas. Saya membantu si bapak untuk mengepaskan roda pada rel. Saya bermaksud mengambil pintu kecilnya tetapi si bapak melarang. "Biar saya saja Neng!" tetapi tetap saya membantu mengepaskan ke engsel. Pekerjaan "perbaikan" pun selesai. Saya berterima kasih banyak, tidak bisa memberi apa-apa karena berjalan saja sulit. 

Saya pun mengunci pintu. Si bapak melanjutkan pengantaran.

Hujan masih turun. Hati saya bersyukur sekali. Tuhan Yesus baik. Roh Kudus baik. Bapa di surga baik. 

It Was Raining Cats and Dogs

The thunder struck. It was raining cats and dogs. It wasn't that way when I drove my car out of my office. Yes, the wind blew so hard and the sky was dark, but I thought I would arrive at my room when the rain fell. It did not. About 5 minutes leaving my office, drops of rain began to blur my vision. I turned on the wipers. The rain was heavier and heavier that I had to wiped the front window. I turned on the AC to clear the mist in my car window, but it didn't work. So, I pulled aside somewhere, in a nearby office park and wiped the window again. I started to move again. I realized I couldn't see anything through the 3 rear windows. But I thought it was okay. 

So, I drove carefully, the street was half-crowded, the rain was like being poured out from the sky. I couldn't see anything. I just focused on the lights from other vehicles. I was so tensed. It was my first time driving under the rain. And it was dark. There were times I just opened my windows to have better sight, but not too long because the rain went in. I leaned forward to have a full concentration on the driving and the situation on the street. 

I realized there was a big car next to me, planned to slip my car to go ahead of me but failed because my car blocked his way. When I finally made it to take my car to the left side, the turn I wanted to turn left (there are two left-turns), the big car sped up and moved ahead of me. The driver opened his window and gave a stern look at me. Well, I didn't feel bad cos at that time I chose to drive slowly to avoid colliding with other vehicles. The street narrowed, but the traffic wasn't better. The visibility was 1-meter away. When finally I made it to my room, I parked outside, 'cos it was still raining cats and dogs.

It was my first time and a good lesson for me, I thanked God for leading me out of the storm.